The past few nights filled in tears.
I try to get the strength that you often leave me with; but it's so hard to retain those qualities you left within me when you haven't been around lately.
It's as if your being is present, but your soul has wandered far of.
My friends tell me to be strong. I want to be, yet, each time, fear overtakes. My mind keeps wandering; thinking of the fear that other things may remove your memory of me. Afraid that other things would possess you more than the time you have for us.
It's like as if I lost you since a few days ago, and I wish your thoughts could have bounced back before leaving. It's like as if you left me unequipped for the battle of the next three months. Your mind was so focused on the things you wanted to do, that I felt your heart missing. And maybe that's the reason of why I cried. You get so upset when my emotions take over. I turn silent cause I can say nothing else while tears stream down; which then probably instigates your pain even more.
At times, you have so many things to tell me, but it was like all of a sudden, you were so silent. Your thoughts on other things that I couldn't even read. All a girl ever wants, is to be a part of your thoughts, knowing the things in your mind. Being involved in your life, and being there not just emotionally supporting you; but walking alongside with you each step.
Maybe I'm too afraid of losing you not just in person, but in mind. Yet, I shouldn't let my emotions leash over me, I know. But again, as a girl, I don't mean not to be as strong as you. Maybe it's cause the past made my heart fragile. I used to be stronger, but I'm finding the strength I once had. But I've never done what I just had, this would be the first. Facing the things I put myself into alone. And with that, would require even more strength than I used to. Strength to hold the shield towards you despite all arrows thrown to me. Time itself probably would nourish it. It's like time itself to rebuild the foundations of a wall.
I know you'll be happier if I could be strong enough. I hope I can be that girl you want me to be.
I've chosen you, and for that, I have to be strong no matter what the outcome. My thoughts run on you all too often; flashing you almost in everything I do. That's how much impact of the footprints you leave in my life. So much of you living in the inside of me.
All I wish is that I have that inner strength of yours inside of me. My heart needs you so much more than my mouth can utter. All that a girl can hope for is that she can make him happy, and being beside him in everything that she does, she would be.
A girl can only sacrifice so much for the person she wants to spend the rest of her days with.
