Just One More Day

This is how much I missed you.

Nights I tossed in bed, spending wasted moments counting for your return.
So much for trying to get to sleep, the only way to ease the pain was to wait til you safely return home. At least then, I'd sleep a little better.

A month plus of absence, I kept visualizing you only at the back of my mind. Suddenly for awhile, you slowly begun to fade from my dreams, and that's what caused me nightmares. I became afraid. I only get a glimpse of you in my sleep, and none at all by day.

The day I stepped into the door of your car, suddenly seeing that face after so long. I couldn't imagine anything better than this. Finally seeing those features I once missed of you that cannot be seen through eyes of the cameras. That perfect angle of your face. The eyes of yours that turned chocolate brown, and reflected black once in awhile. You were like a celebrity I've been running for so long, and finally I came face to face with you again. Suddenly, everything I once knew, came back to memory.

Holding your hand so tightly, afraid of the time I'd had left with you. Afraid, cause the thing I always had less with you since the very beginning had always been time. Always too short, always robbed. Afraid of time passing by without you. Afraid you may be someone different from the last time I saw you. Afraid that the less I spend with you, the less I'll understand about you. The last thing I'd ever want is to not speak your language anymore. If there's one thing I always wanted, is to know and be there when you need me. But distance and time sometimes doesn't permit me to. I want so much to be there while you reach the stars. At least I'd know that I managed to be there while you did. At least I'd know when you needed me, I could be there.

I wished you'd said more, I didn't mean to want that. But how often could I hear your voice? It was the only thing that brought my day up. It was the words you uttered I wanted to hear. Cause it's by words, your voice, that won my heart over since a long time ago. When you spoke somehow, you always managed to coo me over. I would listen, and it'd somehow make my day. Just listening to your voice.

Feeling the features on your face, that flawless face of yours. Running through, the tips of my palm faced your jawbone, those features I remember vividly. I remember the way I'd lean against your chest. The way your fingers gently stroke and run through my hair; pushing the strands of hair off my face. I;d touch your face and I'll remember the way your face looked. That gentle, loving face. Tenderness within, your eyes half shut and me wishing, that I'd get to see that more. I'd count the number of heartbeats as I go to sleep. They're like that sense of security that once put me to good night's sleep. Without them, it's been a month since I could sleep. Just one night, I finally felt warmth. Felt the structure of your shoulder bones, your arms which cuddle me to sleep. Felt your head above mine, tucked perfectly to fit like you were made all too perfect.

I shouldn't allow my fear to eat. Cause now I realize, we may be in similar situation, but we have always been different in our own way. You have always been different. Different in the way that no one else can understand. Different so much so that there's probably no way I'd ever forget you. One of a kind, like what they say; a male species almost facing extinction. That's probably what makes me treasure every second with you.

Cause We're Made This Way

Wonder if you wondered, why one can be afraid each time you leave?

Wonder if guys ever feel the same pain a girl would feel missing him. As far as I know, one who has been left before may have the fear of being left again.

Getting healed over a broken heart, it's not so simple to experience such. Having with new perspective, patched up, was not something I thought would be possible.

At late nights such as these, I flashback the reason why I actually miss you. Not just having those words of yours motivating me for another day. It's not just cause of your talents or understanding character. There's more to you than just you.

I recall the stubbornness of my heart. The ice cold it was, never wanting, never hoping. Then, I met you. There, it warmed, unexpectedly one pound by one pound. And for some reason, after some time, started beating again.

I don't know if you ever feel this way, but all I know, is that you somehow became my best friend before this. Someone I could rely on, to listen, and speak the right words at the appropriate time. I know of one thing that's clear, that you make me forget the old memories that used to haunt me. You make me smile again somehow.

In relation to that, maybe that's the main reason I miss you. I get scared and I count the days you're here. When you don't call, just maybe, I'm afraid of losing you. I'm learning to stand strong, but to a certain extend, how much can I be you? You're you for a reason. Maybe that's what I'm looking for each day.

You're away now, and this is the only note I can probably write about you. Til I get some rest, I wait for dreams of you.

Battling Fears for Strength

The past few nights filled in tears.
I try to get the strength that you often leave me with; but it's so hard to retain those qualities you left within me when you haven't been around lately.

It's as if your being is present, but your soul has wandered far of.

My friends tell me to be strong. I want to be, yet, each time, fear overtakes. My mind keeps wandering; thinking of the fear that other things may remove your memory of me. Afraid that other things would possess you more than the time you have for us.

It's like as if I lost you since a few days ago, and I wish your thoughts could have bounced back before leaving. It's like as if you left me unequipped for the battle of the next three months. Your mind was so focused on the things you wanted to do, that I felt your heart missing. And maybe that's the reason of why I cried. You get so upset when my emotions take over. I turn silent cause I can say nothing else while tears stream down; which then probably instigates your pain even more.

At times, you have so many things to tell me, but it was like all of a sudden, you were so silent. Your thoughts on other things that I couldn't even read. All a girl ever wants, is to be a part of your thoughts, knowing the things in your mind. Being involved in your life, and being there not just emotionally supporting you; but walking alongside with you each step.

Maybe I'm too afraid of losing you not just in person, but in mind. Yet, I shouldn't let my emotions leash over me, I know. But again, as a girl, I don't mean not to be as strong as you. Maybe it's cause the past made my heart fragile. I used to be stronger, but I'm finding the strength I once had. But I've never done what I just had, this would be the first. Facing the things I put myself into alone. And with that, would require even more strength than I used to. Strength to hold the shield towards you despite all arrows thrown to me. Time itself probably would nourish it. It's like time itself to rebuild the foundations of a wall.

I know you'll be happier if I could be strong enough. I hope I can be that girl you want me to be.

I've chosen you, and for that, I have to be strong no matter what the outcome. My thoughts run on you all too often; flashing you almost in everything I do. That's how much impact of the footprints you leave in my life. So much of you living in the inside of me.

All I wish is that I have that inner strength of yours inside of me. My heart needs you so much more than my mouth can utter. All that a girl can hope for is that she can make him happy, and being beside him in everything that she does, she would be.
A girl can only sacrifice so much for the person she wants to spend the rest of her days with.